


Rest for the Wicked

by evenfall



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Rey, Badass Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Fluff and Angst, HERE I AM, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, I never know which name to put so may as well put both, Kinda, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, The Force, kinda???, not enough fics show rey as powerful as she actually is so, they help each other, whoop non-graphic descriptions of someone who might have a mental illness!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenfall/pseuds/evenfall
Summary: Rey is light with a 'lil bit of dark.Kylo is dark with a 'lil bit of light.Who wins?or, basically a shameless self-indulgent slowburn(ish) hurt/comfort fic





	1. Surrounded (a prologue of sorts)

**Author's Note:**

> SO. HAH. 
> 
> I write characters who I can relate to, hence, Tony Stark. But like,,, I love Kylo Ren, and though I can't relate as much to his character, I still wanted to write him. I also wanted a hurt/comfort reylo fic and there are very few good ones out there that don't portray Rey as some damsel or completely head over heels for Kylo in the beginning. Like??? she's powerful?? She's (SPOILERish) an equal to Kylo? pls stop??  
> also why does everyone write him as a beast.  
> he is a confused child.  
> a tall confused child.
> 
> As usual, I will base how I write this with the response. I may continue with HITS (he is the same), if you're waiting for that to be updated, but I have no motivation atm. 
> 
> Anyways, enough about me.
> 
> heres some slowish burn reylo u nerds.

He had started to wonder what it would feel like to breathe. Not in the way of cellular respiration, but in the carefree, automatic way. Most people don’t even realize that they’re breathing, which is strange, considering its the most necessary thing to living. When people breathe, they don’t tell themselves to, their body does it naturally. So he begins to wonder what it would feel like to think in the way he breathes. Not having to calculate everything he does, and keep a constant focus on every thought he has. Monitoring them and himself 24/7.

It wasn’t enough to have Hux doing it, watching his every move for some slip up, some resemblance of the light forcing its way through the veil of darkness he kept present at every waking moment. Some proof that Ben Solo never actually died with Han. So he has to make sure no one can ever read him. He has to make himself as blank as possible. Waking and sleeping. His dreams as of late have been nothing but a black curtain. Sheilding or caging him in he knew not, all he knew was that he could not afford to admit to missing the once vivid dreams he used to have. Gradually as he grew older, the stains of darkness crept around the edges of the picturesque hopes and goals he had. Flying the Millennium Falcon. Being at his mother side in the Resistance. The Darkness latched on to whatever doubts he had and ate away at him until it consumed his last way of feeling something, feeling _anything._

So now, so much as a blink could be taken the wrong way, and the Supreme Leader would instantly be zeroed in on his weakness. Ren knew it was there, but he opted to ignore it, hoping it would show itself out. Fake it ‘till you make it right? But he wasn’t faking so much anymore. He can’t fake the sick twisting of his gut every day. The way he had to focus on not throwing up, the darkness seeping into his very being, taking over his body. He’d gotten used to it of course, he had to. He couldn’t fathom the idea that after all these years, he still couldn’t stomach the raw power that the Dark side held. They couldn’t see that the supposed legacy of Darth Vader was _scared_ of the dark side. They wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.

The one thing he didn’t have to force, however, was his anger. This white hot agony that rolled and rose in his gut each day. It dictated his every move, what he said, who he spoke to and his thoughts. He was told that this anger, this _rage_ was power. It wasn’t a weakness and it wasn’t dangerous. He was to take this anger and use it fuel him. He channelled this energy inside of him and it was- unlike the actual Force, which surrounded him in a way that empowered him -something that felt like if it actually surround him then it would choke him out. He couldn’t let this anger stifle the air around him, or he would be too lost to control it. It was better for it to destroy him internally than let it wreck havoc externally, where everyone could see.

Controlling the Force was childs play, controlling anger was something else. Controlling the anger felt more like an arm wrestle, instead of the table digging into his elbow, the anger was digging into his ribs, begging him to lose control, to slip up, and let it consume him in a show of graceful fire. It mocked him, begged for him to fall prey to the thing that he used to become the apex predator.

Snoke knew this, he could feel the anger within Ren, and knew that it was only a matter of time before it consumed him, no amount of Resistance fighters or elevators destroyed could feed the insatiable beast inside the young Sith. So Snoke needed to make Kylo use it up as quickly as possible, to do his bidding fast and powerfully. Either way, Kylo was going to die, be it from Snokes own hand if the Light took over, or when the anger did. The latter benefited Snoke however, so the choice was obvious.

The girl.

Snoke made sure that Kylo had learned to hate her. To hate her with every fibre of his being. He was forced to learn that she was an equal to him. She of all people. A _scavenger._ He learned to be angry about this. _Rey._ Rey the Nobody. She was stronger than him and she hadn’t even begun to learn how to control the force. He had training from the Supreme Leader, and was the legacy of Darth Vader, yet he couldn’t beat a scavenger. The image of Snoke mocking him and Hux smirking beside him was burned into his memory, and he was reminded of it every second when Stormtroopers no longer feared him like they used to. They feared the resistance, and they feared Hux.

It was a new feeling, having someone to direct all his anger on to. instead of this mindless anger that was uncontrollable and relentless. That had no focus and no target, so it was forced to stay compressed inside of him, eating away at his insides until he could let some leak out. Now, he had a target, a promise of relief. This tug of war - to put it lightly - inside of him, was finally going to have a winner, and he would finally have a purpose. He finally would have proven himself to Snoke. He _was_ the legacy of Darth Vader, and he _would_ lead the First Order to victory under the Supreme Leaders command.

The only thing standing in his way was one girl. One scavenger. One source of light that reflected himself. Snoke said to kill her. But he could do better. If he could prove that he was able to turn people, he would be proving his efficiency. Instead of killing everybody who resists them, he could just turn them, and make the Dark side even stronger. Plus the added bonus of revealing the hindrance emotional attachments were to the Reistance. They wouldn't as easily kill their own.

Rey was going to join the Dark side, and if she didn’t, he was going to kill her.

And then Snoke was going to kill him.

He knew this, Kylo could see the way Hux looked at Snoke, like there was something he wasn’t being told. He wasn’t an idiot. If he failed to turn Rey, he would be a dead man. He knew he had no more strikes left with Snoke. If he could look in the mirror and see the conflict in his own eyes - the way they seemed to be crying, _screaming_ for an answer, then the Supreme Leader could definitely feel the thick waves of agony rolling off of him. The mirror may have only reflected Kylo, but it revealed more than that. It reflected his longing back onto himself tenfold. Looking at himself he could see the lost young boy betrayed again and again by people he looked up to. He could see the knowing in the dark eyes that begged him to see that Snoke was no different. He could not gain acceptance from him either. If he could just focus on the Light, the _Light_ could give him the acceptance he wants.

No.

Ben Solo would no longer be betrayed by the people he loved. Kylo Ren would control who would and wouldn’t control his feelings like that. He would no longer fall for it. Because his reputation couldn’t afford anymore stains, and his heart couldn’t take anymore cracks.

So instead of falling for the blank eyes staring back at him, facing him with something he could afford to think about, he vomits up the boiling anger laughing in his gut. He lets it thrust his fist forward, connecting with the mirror, connecting with himself. Until its left all over the floor, surrounding him, _begging_ him. And then he walks out.

The Dark side is either going to be plus one, or minus one Sith. And the answer lies with Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WROTE THIS IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR.  
> PLS BE KIND.  
> but also roast me with criticism, I need it. 
> 
> as usual. no beta, lemme know if there is any errors, asides from the fic as a whole.


	2. Ever Lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo infiltrates the Resistance?? because he's dumb??
> 
> that's all i got

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'alllll im not too proud of this chapter to be honest. Writing Kylo is hard for me but I think it'll get easier once Rey comes into the picture which is next chapter!! and so the slow burn begins...
> 
> ALSO i was having trouble figuring out the time frame in the first chapter, but I think its after tfa and sometime during tlj but Kylo and Rey haven't had any contact yet (asides from tfa) So the ice planet is Crait, but its a canon divergence so its a lil different than what happens leading up to that planet in the movie. 
> 
> speaking of, I've only seen the movie once so far and there aren't any scripts online yet so there may be some inaccuracies with things referencing the movie.

He didn’t even know where to start. The Resistance was barely holding on and continuously moving. But for some reason, he didn’t think Rey was with them. He saw it in her eyes; the conflict. The same that he had inside of him. The sense of longing for somewhere to belong, but having no idea where that even is, or where to start looking. What he did see, however, was the way she looked at FN-2187. He saw something light up in her and knew that looking at him made her feel some sense of comfort. Seeing him made her feel a need to _be_ someone, to forge her own fate just as FN did. While he didn’t know where she was, he knew where he would be.

They’re all struggling with the same things, Ren realizes. They each want to prove themselves or redeem themselves in some way. The ex-stormtrooper was trying to right his wrongs, the power and fear he helped spread across the galaxy sitting on top of his shoulders so heavy it threatens to drag him to the ground. For Kylo, this weight is instead used to ground him, remind him of what his grandfather has started, and what he must finish. Kylo knew FN-2187 would be with the Resistance, desperately trying to prove himself as a fighter and no longer part of the First Order. So that’s where Kylo was heading.

He knew that he could not take down the Resistance by himself, even as their numbers remain small after the continuous losses suffered from First Order attacks. But he knows that he is capable of holding them off long enough to get what he came for. And once he had FN-2187, word would spread, and the girl would come attempt to rescue him, foolishly so.

Yet as he flew towards their last known base, some godforsaken ice planet, he couldn’t help the twitch of fear manifesting in his gut, letting him feel his doubts crawling up his throat if he failed. He tried to remind himself that failure was not an option, but hadn’t he already failed once? At Starkiller base? Agasint a scavenger woefully untrained?

Gritting his teeth, he whips his head to the side to clear the memory from his brain. He wasn’t going to fail. Failure was not an option. He’s seen the guilt in FN-2187’s eyes, he knows how easy it will be to warp it into something more dangerous to his benefit.

And if that doesn’t work, he’ll just have to use the necessary violence that ensures his success. Easy.

Right?

+++

Four hours later, and the planet is in sight, the nerves inside of Kylo buzzing at such a high frequency a small voice in his head is telling him that one wrong move and he’s going to shatter.

But he _has_ the upper hand. _He_ does, he’s the only trained user of the Force on this planet, and he has the element of surprise. He has the upper hand.

Kylo lands the jet off the radar of the Resistance and dons his helmet for the trek towards them. If one did not know what lay on the planet, they would simply disregard the base as another one of the bulging mountains littering the planet. The way it blends in perfectly with the snow and the large door carefully concealed between the glacier ridden landscape. But Kylo _knew_ better. He always knows better.

His harsh breaths reverberate through the helmet, almost too loud for his own ears, and part of him wonders if the Resistance can pick up on it.

And then, he’s standing in front of the doors, the only thing separating him from people who would not hesitate to kill him. Something in his chest flutters at that thought, and he tells himself it isn’t fear. Because it’s not. He ignites his lightsaber, the blood red light seemingly rippling an energy through his arms and causes him to grit his teeth together in determination.

He rips down the door.

+++

Almost immediately there are blaster shots firing towards him and he deflects every one. The pilots desperately try to get in their jets to try and get a better vantage point on him but a simple flick of his hand and the engines are down or a wing is torn off. Something akin to adrenaline starts to burn in his gut, causing a smile to stretch across his face. His movement almost blur together, as he renders each fighter who encounters him motionless, and every blaster shot deflected off of him.

His smile becomes more manic as he senses the growing panic spreading throughout the base, and their plan becomes to escape rather than defend. They must be thinking more First Order soldiers were coming.

And then he sees his mother.

Simply staring at him with eyes that he could drown in. It’s almost as if someone stops time, everything around him slows and becomes muffled, his only focus is on the woman on the other side of the room, standing still amidst the chaos he has brought. Time very well could have stopped. Its no secret that Leia is one with the force, though she may not be a Jedi yet, there’s no telling if she could be stronger than his uncle.

She stares at him with a sadness that elicits an emotion Kylo promised to never let himself feel again. But then she’s gone, swept away with a crowd of other generals and important people, and he snaps five resistance fighters necks with a scream of rage, the Force rippling through his body, darkness leeching off the action. If someone had cared to listen any further, they would have heard his broken sob at the end of the howl that echoed off the walls of the cave.

+++

He’s losing of course, but he isn’t here to win. He keeps telling himself this, he cannot beat the whole resistance on his own. He has two blaster wounds on his side, causing each breath to sound wet as it rips itself out of his throat. He forces his need to win and prove himself down and remembers the bigger plan. He searches for FN-2187. Gritting his teeth, he manages to clear a path between the remaining resistance fighters by flinging them to the side using the Force. 

If the Dark Side has taught him anything, is that the Dark Side feeds off pain. Pain of any kind.

Something in his gut tears at him, and he can’t place what it is. But it tugs him forward, and he swings his Saber in front of him in a show of power and an attempt to intimidate any other fighters from engaging with him.

Its eerily quiet when he reaches a cavernous hallway leading out of the main room. He can hear his ragged breaths bouncing off the odd angles of the walls around him. His lip twitches upwards in a growl of some sort and he lets his Lighsaber run along the length of the wall, a sizzling wail drowning out his own thoughts.

And then suddenly it hits him. He knows where FN-2187 will be. With the pilot. Poe Dameron.

He could almost laugh when he thinks back to how FN looks at Poe, eyes blown wide with trepidation and fear of disappointing him. He follows the pilot around like a lost puppy, placing his hopes of redemption onto Poes shoulders, unbeknownst to the pilot himself.

He knows were FN will be, and he knows where Poe will be.

The corridor ends and leads into an even larger hangar than the main room he walked into, fighter jets are lined up and some are already leaving through the exit at the back of the cavern. People are running in all directions and when they see Kylo walk into the room they only hasten their attempts at escaping.

Kylo figures that the ‘best pilot in the resistance’ should have a jet that differs from the others. His eyes hungrily scan the room, his chest heaving with anticipation as he leans slightly downwards to lesson the strain on his wounds when his eyes land on him. The pilot is just climbing the ladder to his jet, FN standing behind him, saying something hurriedly. Kylo wastes no time in crossing over to where they stand, fully intending to use whatever force necessary to ensure FN-2187’s capture. He’s raising his Saber over his head, the warning shouts from fighters around them starting too late when a name is called. A name he no longer recognizes.

“Ben!”

He whips his head around, prepared to instead focus his attack on his mother, but the person who called out that strangers name is not his mother. Something catches in his chest and the only sound anyone can hear for a few agonizing moments is the hum of the red weapon over his head. Seeing her ignites a new kind of fury, because once again, she has ruined his plans. Once again she shows up, when he least needs her to, and renders him dumbfounded.

Rey.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments nd kudos appreciated.  
> no beta so roast me bitches im here for it (read: im sensitive but I still like feedback to do better)


	3. Caving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, a stand-off of sorts ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fuqq okay these last few chapters have been really rough for me to write for some reason. I'm going to blame it on me not writing for a couple months now and I'm just rusty. That and I'm not so good at writing action and that's all these chapters have been so far. also this chapter is a bit shorter because of said struggle with writing it.

“Rey,” He all but growls. at another point in time, she might have flinched away from his intimidating snarl, the threat clearly lacing her name, but now she only stiffens, bringing her shoulders back slightly in defiance.

“Ben.” She says, sounding like a command; asking for an explanation.

Kylo recovers almost immediately, standing up tall, using his height to his advantage like he had done before, realizing he had begun to hunch over on himself, hand wrapped around his middle. Immediately, when he does straighten up, a flare of pain shoots through his body and he does the best he can to not let it show.

Except when Reys eyes drift down to his side, and then to his hand that doesn’t hold the saber, looking at the way it trembles slightly with pain, parting her lips slightly, Kylo beings to feel the twinge of doubt he felt before when reaching the base.

His observation only clouds his logic with more anger and momentarily forgets the larger plan he tried so hard to focus on. Immediately, he shoots a hand out to her, pulling her into his grip harshly. The remaining fighters closest start towards him, and he can hear FN-2187’s strangled cry before he raises his lightsaber to the side of her head. The light washes her face in a strange array of shadows, the red light seemingly making her skin glow with the energy. The move instantly silences everyone around them and he stops himself from grinning at the small victory.

A part of him wonders why he didn’t just force choke her on the spot, but he convinces himself that he would rather feel her struggle against his gloved hands. Instead of igniting her lightsaber, she places a hand on his own covering her neck, too gently for someone who should be gasping for air. It’s then, he realizes, that he isn’t even applying pressure to her neck, only holding it, and he bares his teeth at his own mistake; allowing her enough breath to speak.

“Ben, stop” She calmly whispers, only loud enough for the two of them to hear.

“That, is not my _name”_ He empathizes the end of his sentence with gripping her neck tighter, hoping it would make her realize just who she’s talking to. Instead, the most she does to reveal any discomfort she is in is place her other hand atop her own covering his.

Her eyes flick briefly behind him, and she minutely shakes her head in his grasp, eyes blowing wide before meeting his again. It’s only then that he remembers that they are not alone and his plan once again comes to the forefront of his mind. His plan that she ruined. In an effort to keep from screaming out in frustration, he feels his nostrils flare as he clenches his jaw shut, mind working a mile a minute to think of another plan that would end in his favour.

In one swift motion, he twists around so that he and Rey both face the room full of the remaining fighters. His fingers still wrap around her neck and he swears he could feel her pulse pick up against his fingers. Pride swells in his chest at the observation; at the thought that Rey finally has enough sense to fear him.

“Let her go,”

Kylos eyes flick wildly over to FN-2187, hands clenched tightly as his side, his voice barely hiding the tremor of anger.

“What?” Kylo seethes, twirling his lightsaber around in his other hand, lip quirking up when he watches FN’s eyes track the movement warily.

“Ben,” Rey speaks again, and Kylo feels her throat move at the word. “You can’t win this,”

Only silence follows at her statement, this time loud enough that the others can hear. Something vile starts to rise up Kylos sternum and before he knows it he has the lightsaber almost flush against Rey’s neck and he can feel her press back into him to avoid the scorching heat.

“Can’t I?” He spits out.

“You can’t” she repeats, her voice harsher with the strain he’s causing her.

“I will not _surrender_ if that’s what you want from me,” Disgust saturates the word surrender, because Kylo Ren does not surrender. If Snoke had ever gotten word that the Master of the Knights of Ren has surrendered to the Resistance, a kill order would be placed on him immediately. The First Order will not be disgraced by weak soldiers.

“It’s that or the Resistance attacks with no mercy,”

“I don’t need the Resistacne to show me _mercy,_ ” He shakes her slightly, causing her to jerk her head back against his chest to avoid the saber. “I need the Resistance to _give up_ ,”

A shrill laugh echoes through the hangar almost immediately and Kylo looks up to see FN’s head thrown back with the laughter. Bringing his head back down, FN-2187 glares at Kylo, jaw clenched with sudden tension.

“Fat chance,” He growls across to him. Kylo whips his head down to face Rey, who shakes slightly with what Kylo presumes is laughter. Something feeling like a hand that had dug it’s way to grasp onto Kylos gut tightens its hold and he screams, throat feeling ripped raw with the action. Rey stops laughing.

“You _will_ surrender, or the First Order _will_ come for this base and destroy it. However I offer you _one_ deal. I take the scavenger with me right now and I give you a day to get ahead before the First Order finds you,” Kylo hisses, taking a single step backwards, Rey in tow.

The First Order will not wait.

“You won’t wait,” Rey breathes.

“We won’t wait,” Kylo confirms, no remorse lacing his words whatsoever. “But I am taking you today, and they can’t do anything to stop me, and neither can you,”

Rey is silent for a moment, before he feels her relax against him, a hand rising to grasp his wrist holding the lightsaber against her.

“Oh, Ben,” She whispers, and there is a sadness in her words. A disappointment that undertones her voice that causes his heart to feel like its constricting because she shouldn’t be saying his name like that. Like she had placed some kind of hope on to it. Onto him.

His breath catches in his chest at her tone, and he mentally screams at himself for feeling guilt, even for a moment, because there is nothing to feel guilty about.

But then the hangar is caving in, and the sort-of standoff they had been having is over, and chaos is unleashed once more.

If Kylo had been paying more attention he would have known why. Rey has her left hand outstretched and he can see the way it is strained in an attempt to focus as much Force as possible to use to her advantage. He follows where her arm points to and sees a crack running up along the wall and up to the rocky ceiling, where debris begins raining down.

In the momentary lapse of his attention on her, she shoves back hard on him at the same time as ducking and she slips out of his grasp. She twists around and in a rush of instinct, Kylo crosses his lightsaber in front of him just as hers collides with it, a blast of purple sparks flying in every direction.

She doesn’t say anything as she pushes her saber against his, only looking at him with eyes that reflect the light from their weapons, the colours dancing across her complexion. Almost like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured over his head, a feeling so heavy it weighs him down washes over him, creeping into every crevice of his mind and taking over his focus. He identifies it as sorrow, and he only remembers feeling it once before, and that was with someone holding a lightsaber to him as well. She can see it in her eyes too though, something in the way her eyes seem to be locked on his, as if searching for something.

The moment is short-lived though, because a sound loud enough to vibrate through his chest startles his attention upwards, in time to see a large chunk of the ceiling falling down towards him. Towards them.

With no hesitation, Kylo flies forwards towards Rey, feeling something like fire on his abdomen, and then everything is dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos much appreciated!! please i'm desperate for validation!!!!!  
> no beta so call a bitch out for any mistakes


	4. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's unconscious and Kylo ~definitely~ does not worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse as for why this took so long oops

When Kylo wakes, for one blissful moment, everything is fine. Or as fine as it can be when lately you feel as if somebody is trying to rip you apart. But then, at a minuscule shift in his body -an abandoned attempt at moving- something burning hot manifests itself on his abdomen.

Almost as if his body is suddenly remembering its injuries, the blaster wound seems to wake up in irritation, his whole side flaring up in pain. A pained gasp leaves his mouth but is quickly cut off, replaced with a guttural groan. He realizes that his eyes are still closed, the encompassing darkness suddenly reminding him of what had happened before this. And then , panic jolts him upright as he _remembers where he is,_ eyes flying open.

Except he can’t move. His momentum carries him upwards for maybe about a foot before he slams into something hard. He also realizes that it’s too dark. Too dark for a room that had just been lit with rows upon rows of fluorescent lighting. He stays still for a moment, back arched slightly in the compromising space, the peak of his spine grating against what he presumes is the debris that had fallen on him. The only sound is his raspy breaths that feel wet with blood, each inhale rattling through his throat.

He’s still as he lets his eyes adjust to the lighting, trying to calm down enough to asses the situation. Focusing on his breathing, he tries to collect his thoughts. He’s in the Resistence base. He was on a mission to find FN-2187. Rey had confronted him. He had Rey trapped. Then he-

Rey.

_Rey._

Eyes snapping open again, his eyes are ferally wild as he searches for her. He knows that she had been right under the falling debris. He knows it. Only now he is too. So where was she? He vaguely remembers vaulting towards her moments before everything went dark.

Shuffling forwards tentatively, he braces his hands along the ‘walls’ of the debris surrounding him, mouth hanging loosely open as he gasps for air. He’s about to take another step forward when he stops, foot dangling in-between taking a step and not. Rey lies in front of him, covered in a layer of dust. Her right hand still clutches the saber in her hand, fingers tightly wound around the base. It’s then that Kylo remembers the inferno burning on his abdomen. Looking down, though not seeing much, he suddenly becomes aware of the burning hot gouge in his abdomen and he swears he can hear his skin sizzling. He remembers with sudden clarity how fast he had reacted to the debris falling and deduces that it must have happened when he fell on top of Rey, her sabre slicing across him.

Collapsing to his knees beside her, he shakily attempts to check her pulse, slipping his glove off and resting two fingers over her carotid artery. For a fleeting moment, he can’t feel anything, and he feels his stomach drop to the floor with failure. But then, faintly, he registers a fluttering heartbeat barely there. And then something rushes inside of him as he is filled with a new drive. This plan won’t work if she’s dead.

So he rises from his knees from beside her, trying to ignore how blood had started seeping out of her nose. An instinct in him wants to take his saber and slice at the rocks and _scream._ Scream at them until they move, or until they are reduced to a pile of rubble. Instead, he forces himself to calm down, and tries to collect all the power of the Force he can muster.

Except when he raises his arm to move the boulders, the world tilts with a new wave of searing pain. He only realizes he’s down on one knee when his vision clears from the black dots that crowded his peripheral. He looks down. His whole side is saturated in blood, the unmistakable feeling of flowing warmth oozing past a half-dried layer. With shallow breaths, he looks over at Rey, and thinks that he would really much rather she be awake right now to help him. _Help him._

He must have hit his head.

No, _Rey_ must have hit her head. With a new thought, twisting his stomach in a sickening way, he slides over to her side again, this time using his fingers to gentley probe the back of her head. He hadn’t thought about it before, but he didn’t see any injuries on her body, yet she was unconscious. With himself, he could understand why every move felt like somebody was tearing into a new muscle, but he hadn’t stopped to consider why she hadn’t woken up yet, even though besides dirt layering her clothing, there was no dark red stains.

Sure enough, he finds a sizeable bump at the back of her head, and when he brings his ungloved hand back, its slick with blood. He’s running out of time.

Filled with a new determination, he stands up, trying to ignore the scream of protest his body sends him. Gritting his teeth, he summons every ounce of the Force he can. He takes it from his pain. He takes it from her pain. He takes it from his fear of failure. Because he can’t fail. He _can’t._ This was a simple extraction job, only targeting one person in the grand scheme of things. And now she was trapped with him, and there were no sounds coming from outside of his temporary cave, meaning that either everybody else left, or was dead.

Either one works for him.

With a yell that sounds regrettably more like a guttural groan, he moves a boulder out of the way. It drags along the ground, sending echoes coursing through his ears, spraying dust and rubble into his eyes. Eventually, he moves it far enough that a space just wide enough for him to walk through is revealed. He drops the boulder and almost collapses again, but forces himself to straighten, because he always has to be ready. Always.

But then he remembers the fact that Rey was unconscious behind him, and suddenly the opening seems ten times too small. But he can already feel his eyelids drooping, and his body swaying. Closing his eyes, he hears words that Snoke had told him.

_The dark side feeds off pain. Your pain. Feed it._

Something cold washes over him, doing it’s best to numb the pain the entire side of his body is feeling. He drags himself back over to Rey, ignoring the way her grip on the lightsaber has since loosened, and slips a hand across her shoulders and under her knees.

The position reminds him of a time in the forest, a long time ago, before things had become complicated.

Her head falls against his shoulder heavily, lips parted slightly. He tries not to think what would happen if Rey were to wake up in this moment.

He moves them over to the entrance he had created moments ago, and turns them sideways to fit through. Reys hand scrapes against the rough surface of the rock and a small sound escapes her mouth. One that definitely does not instil new fear into Kylo. One that definitely did not sound like a whimper.

_The plan won’t work if she’s dead._

Kylo only realizes his eyes had been closed when he tries to look down to check on Rey, her shoulders seeming to slacken slightly. Upon opening them, no light floods his vision like he expected, but instead, the ominous glow of a few emergency lights lining the walls. The sudden new light, if dim, finally gives Kylo a proper look at Rey’s face, instead of just a vague outline of her features.

He tries not to notice the way her cheeks seem to have sunken in and the way her eyes flutter restlessly behind her eyelids.

He has to get her to his ship. The ship thats currently across an icy, barren, landscape. The trek from before that had gone by too fast, fuelled by rage and determination, now seems to feel like a days journey. Except it can’t take that long, not with Rey injured and useless. He has to get there in time.

He walks through the long corridor he had dragged his saber by before, not bothering to look at the destroyed hangar that lays behind him. He walks out the doors of the Resistance base, and starts the trek to his ship.


End file.
